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This article is about my experiences of international and inter-racial dating. It is purely an account of what I have witnessed and experienced myself over the course of my life so far, although at 55 years old, I am nearer the end of it than the beginning. It is my advice on handling an international or inter-racial relationship.

It all began at an early age when I was in infant school at seven. There was a Filipina girl in our class and I could not take my eyes off her, although I probably did not know much about it then. We parted at eight when they moved closer to another school and I never saw her again.

My next meeting with a foreign girl, was the mademoiselle junior teacher at school and I was convinced that I would marry a French country girl when I grew up. That passed when the German assistant arrived.

When I was fourteen, I went on a school cruise to Leningrad and there was a group of exchange students going home to Sweden on the same ship. I went out with one of them for roughly a week and first realized the problems that can come from international dating. There was a minor language barrier, but it was fun getting over that. The real difficulty came, because I had predetermined ideas of what Swedish girls were like, most likely instilled in me after years of silly ‘Carry On’ films.

At sixteen, I went to Germany to work for the summer and I found it very easy to get on with the German girls, although they were shyer that I was expecting too. Also an outlook I owed to silly Health and Efficiency ’sex films’.

After concluding university, I moved to The Netherlands to live. It was the seventies and Dutch girls were great. However, I made friends with male British colleagues initially and soon saw some of the issues that can come from an international relationship. Most of the men I knew were typical Brits and made totally no attempt to learn Dutch at all. Surprisingly, many Dutch people could not speak English either, especially the parents.

This lead to a surprising quantity of tense moments in a week and that put a lot of pressure on my friends’ relationships. It is so easy to start name-calling when you are angry and it is the worst thing you can do. The Dutch girlfriend or her parents or friends would be called ‘a stupid cheese eater’ or something equally daft and the relationship was over or in trouble for days. I do not recall what the Dutch called us.

I promised myself there and then never to get serious about a foreign girl because the arguments were just too much. Food was never a problem. Culture was not much of a problem, although where I was in southern Netherlands, most people were Catholic and I am not. This did perplex some parents but not me. Travelling was always going to be the drawback. Do you live by her parents or yours? In particular when children start arriving. Most countries have stronger family ties than Britain.

Then, at 50, having never been married, I went to Thailand, where I met my wife-to-be. Asian culture is very different from British or even European society and it is a real shock to both parties. Anyway, five years into our relationship and we are still fine. I recollect the reasons I gave myself for not marrying abroad when in The Netherlands and I was incorrect, but not much.

If you are going to enter into an international or even inter-racial relationship, you had better learn how to manage your anger. It is the most important advice you will ever get. Being understanding of other points of view is important too, but not getting angry is more important. Furthermore, you must try to learn something about your partner’s land, culture and language, otherwise you cannot join in any discussion your partner may have with someone who does know a bit about it.

I have never seen religion be a hindrance ever, except in an argument. My wife is Buddhist and I am not. We chat about it, but there is never any stress. Food, again I have never seen a problem in this area. Clothing, again no problem in my life. If you get into an international or inter-racial relationship, keep your temper, do not shout, do not get angry and talk things out calmly.

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The debate about gay marriages has been a very hot political topic for many years and because it is so hot a subject, the number of places that have come out publicly either for or against the topic is not so astounding. While there are few states which actually allow gay or same-sex marriages, there are a few that are more liberal, allowing almost equal rights. Massachusetts is currently the only state in the United States that recognizes same-sex marriages. The state of Rhode Island is generous enough to recognize as a legal marriage any same-sex marriage that was performed in Massachusetts, which is considered a major victory by many same-sex supporters.

The elections of recent years have seen this as a very hot subject and with the White House stressing openly that marriage can only involve a man and a woman, not same-sexes, many states have been very reluctant to allow same-sex marriages. However, a few states have permitted same-sex civil unions, which are very similar to marriage.

These states are California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Maine, New Jersey, and Vermont. The District of Columbia also recognizes same-sex unions and the Governor of New Hampshire has stated publicly that he will soon sign a bill giving the OK to same-sex unions. This is a major victory for those who support the movement.

Although many states have not given the go-ahead to the topic of same-sex marriage, there are states that are sitting around discussing the topic. Many couples who are struggling for their rights have pointed out that there is absolutely no difference in the way they run their households compared to their heterosexual counterparts. They have also pointed out that while they may be with a partner who is the same sex as them, they do still love their partner and should have the legal right to marry them too.

This has always been a hot subject, and probably will continue to be a hot subject for several years in the future. While the topic rages within the states and at the national level, it will more than likely be quite a long time before the gay and lesbian rights groups can really declare a victory for their cause. Nevertheless, there is some solace to be taken in the small triumphs as they occur, and another Governor of a state being willing to allow a civil gay union is at least a step in the direction of victory.

However, the fact remains that the views of the individual states tend to reflect the views of the President. With a President in office who is a staunch opponent of same-sex marriage as well as civil union, it is unlikely to allow much room for many victories until a more accommodating, or rather liberal, President is in the White House. Time will tell what President Obama’s views are.

After the bill has passed through all the legal channels of the state, it will go into effect as early as the next year, much to the joy of the New Hampshire residents, who have been waiting patiently. Each state that gives this right to its residents opens the door a little more to other states to become more tolerant. Finally, this paves the way for America to join the bulk of Europe in sanctioning the legal inequalities of straight and gay couples nationwide.

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